(narration music, sung by an unseen chorus)

(dreamy, fairy tale style)
Once upon a time, once upon a time
Very far away

Once upon a time, once upon a time
Very long ago
Could it be last Thursday?

(marching tune)
Here in the heart of the lo-cal-cal rent di-di-district*
Here stands the castle of the king
The king is in charge of ev-ry-hy-one and -thing

(dreamy waltz)
Here ???* is Prince Arthur Charming
We quote from his pedigree
Named so because though he is now Prince Charming
King Arthur one day he’ll be

(dreamy, fairy tale style)
Once upon a time, once upon a time
Waiting to be told was a lovely story
One you won’t forget

“If I Could Go Dancing” (music-box style waltz, sung by Belinda Montgomery as Cinderella)

If I could go dancing, my dress would be white
And nearly as light as the breeze, if I could go dancing
I’d walk in the palace, as free as you please
The king and the courtiers would freeze as I started dancing

Whispers everywhere: “Who, who can she be?”
And the prince is there gazing at me

If I could go dancing, go dancing tonight
The ending would turn out so right, if I could go dancing
If I could go dancing
If I could go dancing

Music by Joe Raposo, “If I Could Go Dancing” by Joe Raposo and Tom Whedon

*Underlined words are my best guess at deciphering the lyrics, but I need your help to finish them. Comment with your own best guess, and we’ll complete the puzzle together like we did with The Tale of the Bunny Picnic.

---

Music from Hey Cinderella!

This special is notable for two reasons: It was Kermit’s first appearance as an official frog with a fringe collar and flippers.

Kermit the Frog sits on the edge of a well talking with Robin Ward as Prince Arthur Charming, who is dressed as a gardener in rust-orange overalls and leaning on a shovel.

And the first version of the special, an unaired pilot of a TV series, was Joe Raposo’s first first collaboration with Jim Henson.

Against my better judgement, there’s something about the combination of 60s campiness, a classic fairy tale, and old-timey Muppet humor that rekindles my belief in the possibility of wishes coming true and happily ever after. (It may be a whole five or six hours until that belief is squashed by my retail job.)

So thank you to Kermit, who gives us the moral of the story: not “believe in your dreams” or “kindness is its own reward,” but rather, “I could’ve solved this whole thing months ago, but who listens to a frog?” So remember to not overcomplicate things and listen to common sense, even when it comes from an unlikely source, like a frog.

P.S. My new head cannon is that radish-loving Splurge is a long-lost member of the Fraggle Rock universe, where radishes are a staple of life that connect Fraggles, Doozers, and Gorgs.

Left: Splurge, a large, furry, purple, full-body Muppet with thin yellow eyes and one pointy upper tooth. Joyce Gordon as the Fairy Godmother (center) talks to Kermit (right) who sits on the edge of a well.