“Hey, a Movie!”


Opening version:
(Kermit) Wow! There’ll be spectacle
There’ll be fantasy
There’ll be derring-do
And stuff like you would never see
(All) Hey, a movie!
(Fozzie & Gonzo) Yeah, we’re gonna be a movie
(Kermit) Starring everybody
(Fozzie) And meThere’ll be heroes bold
There’ll be comedy
And a lot of fuss
That ends for us real happily
(All) Hey, a movie!
(Kermit & Fozzie) We can watch it all develop
(Fruit & vegetables) Starring everybody
(Gonzo) And meWe’ll take the world
And set it on its ear
(Kermit & Fozzie) Come on, join in
We’re gonna start right here[spoken interlude]
(Gonzo is hit by a car.)
It’s OK, I landed on my head!
(Cab drivers honk. Gonzo cat-calls chickens. Sweetums runs after the trio, says “Hey, you—” and falls down an open manhole.)
(Fozzie, shouting)
Hold iiit! (Everyone stops, and Fozzie turns to Kermit.) Go ahead, Kermit.
(Kermit) Thank you. (To the audience) See, in this film, me and Fozzie play crack investigative reporters for The Daily Chronicle, and Gonzo, he’s our photographer, and it’s gonna be terrific. (The trio runs out of the way of a honking cab about to run them over.) Boy, I wish I were you people seeing this for the first time!(Gonzo) There’ll be crooks and cops
(Fozzie) There’ll be villainy!
(Kermit, Fozzie, & Gonzo) But with us on call
We’ll fix it all real easily
(Monsters) Hey, a movie!
(Fozzie) Wow! It’s gonna be terrific
Starring everybody
(Nicky Holiday) And me
(Nicky Holiday is disguised as a bland man, being escorted across the street by a Girl Scout. He walks on Sweetums’ hand as the monster is coming out of the manhole, and Sweetums makes a “Waaah” of pain.)

[spoken interlude]
(Kermit, to Fozzie & Gonzo)
Now what we need, guys, is an exciting photo story.
(Gonzo, to a live chicken) Right this way, young lady. (To Kermit) I’ll take a picture of this chicken! (Looking at the chicken through his camera) Beautiful.
(Fozzie) That’s great, Gonzo!
(Gonzo) Smile, chicky-babe!
(Behind them, at the entrance to a building, Nicky Holiday throws away his trenchcoat and walking stick, revealing tight black clothes and a mask. He punches out the doorman and grabs jewelry from the hand of Lady Holiday, who is exiting the building.)
(Lady Holiday) My jewels! That man stole my jewels! Help! My jewels!
(Nicky gets into a car that has screeched to a halt and the car drives away, causing accidents along the way.)
(Gonzo to the chicken) Look up. Hey, you want to make the front pages or not?
(He clicks his camera and turns to Kermit) Kermit, I got a great picture of the chicken!
(Kermit) Oh, good.

(Kermit, Fozzie, & Gonzo) There’ll be mystery
And catastrophe
But it’s all in fun
You paid the money—wait and see
(Monsters) Hey, a movie!
(Sweetums) Is there any way to stop it!?

(Kermit) Starring everybody
(All) Everybody
Everybody and…
(Kermit & Fozzie) Me!



Closing version:

(Pops) We’ve had comedy
(Scooter) We’ve had mystery
(Fozzie) Had a real good time and solved a crime real easily
(All) Hey, a movie!
(Statler & Waldorf) I just can’t believe they did it
(All) Starring everybody
(Gonzo) And me
(Kermit) There was spectacle
(Piggy) There was fantasy
(Kermit) Where we took a chance
(Piggy) And saw romance end happily
(Kermit) In a movie
(Rowlf) I just love a happy ending
(Kermit) One for everybody
(Piggy) Everybody
(All) Everybody
(The Electric Mayhem) Everybody
(Animal) Everybody
(Gonzo) Everybody
(All) Everybody in the world
(Piggy) And me
(Kermit) And me
(Beauregard) And me
(Rizzo) And me
(Pops) And me
(Janice) And me
(Dr. Bunsen Honeydew) And me
(Beaker) Mee mee
(Animal) And me
(Sam) And me
(Scooter) And me
(Lew Zealand) And me
(Rowlf) And me
(Swedish Chef) And me [or his version of this, anyway]
(Lips) And me
(Floyd) And me
(Dr. Teeth) And me

(Fozzie) And me

Music and lyrics by Joe Raposo

“Hey, a Movie!” from The Great Muppet Caper

The songs in this movie are all by Joe Raposo, the composer behind such Sesame Street classics as “Sing,” “C is For Cookie,” and “Bein’ Green.” The Muppets start out by breaking the fourth wall in the opening credits, and honestly, it never gets built back up again:

“What makes you think there’s gonna be a next time?”
“Well, if there isn’t, it’s gonna be a real short movie.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”
“It’s plot exposition, it has to go somewhere.”

“Next time they want stunts, they get a double.”

“What a great number!”

“I hate to be rude, but we’re trying to do a movie here.”

Kermit: “You’re overacting. You’re hamming it up!”
Miss Piggy: “I am not! I am trying to save this movie.”
Kermit: “Yeah, well save your performance instead!”

“You can’t even sing! Your voice was dubbed!”

Peter Ustinov: “What are you doing here?”
Oscar the Grouch: “A very brief cameo.”
Peter Ustinov: “Me too.”

“Why am I doing this? Because I’m a villain; it’s pure and simple.”

This is one of the classic styles of comedy the Muppets are known for—looking right into the camera and pointing out the obvious. Not exactly ripe for rich interpretation and applying its deep meaning to your own life, but it still makes for a good chuckle thirty-six years later.


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